What I want to be vs. What I am
are two different things. The person I want to be changes everytime I am inspired by a new Frankie article, novel, or manga that I’ve read.
After reading Frankie, I want to be a super hipster, ahead of the fashion scene, individual, radical columnist.
After reading a manga like Kimi ni Todoke, (I love this one, along with other ones like Dengeki Daisy) I want to be a naive, innocent school girl who just thinks about daily occurences.
After reading a novel (usually crime fiction these days) I want to be a sarcastic, intuitive, laidback, desirable private investigator that demands respect from her gait alone.
But I don’t think I am any of things. No, I’m none of these things at all…
Then some wise person once told me, “Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with somebody else’s feature film.”
I think that is the best advice I have ever gotten regarding my self-esteem and understanding of myself.
What you see of yourself, is your backstage, your behind-the-scenes. You see everything that goes on, you see your innermost thoughts, you see the bad times and the good times, you see absolutely everything. The naked truth if you like to think of it that way.
Everyone else sees what you want them to see. They see your best side, your smiles, the mask you put on, or the mask you don’t put on if you’re an honest person. They see your face, not your mind, and your clothing, not your heart.
So to them, your life may seem like the dream. You have it all together and they feel like everything is falling apart, or empty, or whatever teenage angst they are feeling in their life.
(I’ve been wanting to use that word all day – angst. I have no idea why)
So don’t compare yourselves to what you see in other people, because what you see of them is their feature film, and what you see of yourself is your behind-the-scenes.